Communication Is Key: Speaking to Children as a Conscientious GAL

At its core, the most powerful tool we have as a Guardian ad Litem is the ability to truly connect with people. So much of what we do comes down to sitting across from someone and having a conversation that actually means something.

The Human Connection at the Center of GAL Work

As adults, we’re used to navigating all kinds of interactions. As attorneys, we’re trained (almost conditioned) to communicate with clients, opposing counsel, judges, experts, witnesses, and more, all within a very structured, strategic framework. But what we’re almost never taught is how to step out of that litigator mindset and speak to children in a way that meets them where they are. And as GALs, that shift isn’t optional, it’s everything.

Understanding How Children Communicate

Children don’t communicate the way adults do. Their ability to express emotions, preferences, and experiences varies widely depending on age, personality, and what they’ve been through. Understanding developmental stages is a necessary starting point, and being mindful of a child’s psychological landscape (i.e., their experiences, their traumas, their current emotional state) adds another layer of insight. But even that isn’t enough on its own.

Because the truth is, all the knowledge in the world doesn’t land if we don’t know how to apply it. The real skill is in translating that understanding into a communication style that allows the child to feel safe, seen, and actually heard.

Creating Safety Through Communication

That means letting go of some of our attorney instincts. We’re trained to ask controlled, leading questions, questions we already know the answers to. In this space, that approach doesn’t serve the child. Instead, it’s about asking open-ended, non-leading questions, giving them the space to respond in their own time, and resisting the urge to fill the silence. It’s about listening, not just to what they say but how they say it. Their tone, their body language, their hesitations, their shifts in energy sometimes speak louder than words ever could.

And just as important is the environment we create. Children open up when they feel safe, not judged, not pressured, not analyzed. A neutral, comfortable setting can completely change the dynamic and make communication feel less like an interview and more like a conversation they’re encouraged to be part of.

At the end of the day, this isn’t about checking boxes or gathering statements. It’s about creating a space where a child can show up as they are, and trusting that if we do that well, their voice will come through exactly as it’s meant to.

The Importance of Presence in Child Interviews

Children can feel almost instantly whether you actually care about what they’re saying. Not in a performative way, not in a “checking the box” kind of way, but in a real, grounded, present way. That means quieting the part of our brain that’s already jumping ahead to the next question, the next issue, the next point we think we need to cover. It means letting go of the mental outline and allowing the conversation to unfold in real time. When we’re fully present, our questions don’t feel scripted, they develop organically, in response to the child, not in spite of them. And that shift alone can completely change how much a child is willing to share.

Listening Beyond Words

Being present also means paying attention to what isn’t being said just as much as what is. It’s noticing how a child reacts when a certain topic comes up, whether they lean in, light up, and start talking freely, or whether they withdraw, hesitate, or redirect. It’s respecting those cues. Sometimes that means gently exploring further; other times it means recognizing that the child isn’t ready, and that’s okay. 

Watching what they volunteer on their own, what engages them, the language they naturally use, and even being mindful of the language we choose in response matters tremendously. When we walk into those conversations without preconceived notions, we create space for the child to show us who they are and what they need us to understand, rather than trying to fit their voice into a narrative we’ve already decided. And that’s where the most meaningful insights tend to come through.

Building Trust Through Respect and Validation

Children are far more perceptive than we often give them credit for. They are intelligent, intuitive, and deeply aware of what is happening around them even when they don’t have the language to fully articulate it. Minimizing that awareness or approaching them in a patronizing way does a real disservice, not only to the child, but to the integrity of the process itself. If we underestimate them, we risk missing the very insight we are there to uncover.

Respect, in this context, looks a lot like how we show up with adults: grounded, attentive, and genuinely engaged. Children, however require an added layer of care and intention. It means honoring their perspective, validating their experiences, and recognizing that their voice carries weight. When children feel respected rather than dismissed, they are far more likely to trust the interaction, open up in a meaningful way, and communicate in a way that gives us a clearer, more authentic understanding of their world.

At the end of the day, this work is less about asking the “right” questions and more about showing up in the right way with presence, respect, and genuine care. When we do that, children don’t just respond, they trust us enough to let us truly hear them.

Final Thoughts: Conscientious Lawyering and Respecting Children’s Voices

Conscientious lawyering reminds us that the way we interact with children in family law matters is just as important as the legal decisions ultimately made on their behalf. Children are deeply perceptive, and they often remember not only what adults said during difficult moments, but how those adults made them feel. Approaching children with patience, respect, emotional awareness, and intentionality helps create an environment where they feel safe enough to communicate honestly and authentically. For Guardians ad Litem, attorneys, judges, and professionals working within the family law system, this means recognizing that children are not simply sources of information for litigation, but human beings navigating circumstances they did not choose and may not fully understand.

A conscientious, child-centered approach encourages us to slow down, listen carefully, and remain mindful of the emotional impact our words, tone, and actions can have. When children feel heard and respected, we are better equipped to understand their needs, protect their well-being, and make recommendations that truly serve their best interests. Ultimately, conscientious lawyering is about bringing humanity into the practice of law and ensuring that even in the midst of conflict, children experience dignity, compassion, and care.